How to get past small-talk and always have something to say.

Hey! Craig here—

Do you ever feel like you’re lost without a map when you’re in a conversation?

Don’t know what to say next?

Wish you could just follow a guide to have a fun conversation and to create an instant connection?

I get asked how to deal with this stuff by new students all the time.

They want a quick tip to implement.

Can you follow some quick tips for better conversations?

Yes, you can.

But it’s not something given to you

like a list of topics

or a set of questions.

Those are band-aids to the problem of, “How do I have a good conversation?”

The only real solution for a good conversation is:

It’s something you create

through skills.

You just need to know what and how to communicate 3 things.

You need to communicate: Comfort, Attraction, and Intimacy

If you can communicate those 3 things, it won’t matter what you say.

You’ll have a connection.

The first thing is to handle comfort.

Are you uncomfortable in those situations because you don’t know what to say?

Or do you not know what to say because you’re uncomfortable?

You’ve got to develop the skill of having something to say DESPITE being uncomfortable. If you can do that, you can start to develop comfort in those situations.

How to always have something to say

Preface: I will teach you this skill now, but I want to also provide you with the opportunity to practice it in one-on-one in a free live workshop (over Zoom) on Monday night. Details at the bottom.

Here is a simple skill that I teach in my classes at Jaunty (the gym for social skills).

This is the skill of always having something to say: Threading

A thread is a statement— a personal story, an opinion, or some trivia knowledge.

For instance:

This past weekend my family played board games and we watched a movie.

That’s a thread. Now here’s the skill.

Step 1

Pick a word or phase that was said in the thread I provided.

Step 2

Say your own thread relating to that word or phrase.

Don’t make it up. Don’t ask a question.

Putting it together

Just look at that thread, choose any word, and say,

“Speaking of _[that word/phrase]_”

Once you’ve gotten there, think of what that word or phrase reminds you of, and say it.

examples:

Speaking of this past weekend, I did some grocery shopping this past weekend, and found a great deal on veggies at Costco.

Speaking of family, I don’t get to see my family often because they’re on the other side of the country. We talk on the phone regularly though.

Speaking of board games,…..

Speaking of watching movies,….

Try it out with those “Speaking of…” thread starters I just laid out and think of your own threads.

Then, you can thread with yourself. Pick a word from that thread, and create a new one.

example:

I don’t get to see my family often because they’re on the other side of the country. We talk on the phone regularly though.

Speaking of the country, I really enjoy going on road trips for getting out of the city and seeing the countryside.

After that, you can start using it here and there in conversations that you’re in.

In no time, you’ll have the improv skills to keep a conversation going.

If you really want to get some practice in

before putting your skills to the test

Come to my live social skills workshop.

8pm-9pm ET on Monday October 30th. ←Click to register

In that workshop, we’ll be practicing:

1. Threading

2. Using questions to guide conversation.

3. an empathy generating skill for going DEEP with anyone and building intimacy within minutes.

And I will be able to give direct feedback and answer questions. There will be a few surprise knowledge drops to discover as well!

Can I count on seeing you there or would you like to come to one in the future?

Cheers